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THIS BLOG IS NO MORE. [25 Sep 2008|02:18pm]



It's been fun.

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Geex0r post. [24 Sep 2008|11:19am]
[ mood | relaxed ]

So my body went insane and I caught ANOTHER virus ( I think I'm allergic to Hawai'i Nei!) Glenn and I reconciled finally, which was wonderful since I love him dearly and am so impressed that he stuck by my side throughout an unbelievable amount of drama.
My illness allowed me to catch up on my geek prospects such as my 'R' presentation to the lab. 'R' is essentially a free stastical package that allows one to work on statistics for FREE. It does everything that SPSS does, but better.
I have been geeking out on a lot of music playing with NightMare Drum Song, and writing a lot.
In addition, I have been Adult Swimming (since our house has TV), and watching a lot of 'Boondocks' (freaking brilliant) and old 'Venture Bros,' which always makes me happy. I am kind of stoked for the new show, 'Superjail,' since it is completely handrawn. I stubbled across this Jackson Publick quote about it "It's like watching the doodles in Napoleon Dynamite's loose leaf binder get in a fight with a Marcel Dzama painting while Dr. Seuss referees. "

Come on, you've got to love lines like that!!

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'Rachel For President'... [20 Sep 2008|01:02pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

This message was written on a piece of paper that my classmate, Alanna, posted up to me when my speech about data in the scientific community was done ;)
I have never been so proud.
I think I won my debate!!

ps I don't think I'd do better than Obama, but I would kick the arse of that jingoistic old war hawk


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Tell Everybody Waiting for a Superman... [18 Sep 2008|02:21pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]

So being alone is sometimes tough.
Sometimes you meet people who you think will influence you, change you forever. In fact these people, although being your friends, are not always on your side.
Being aware of all of this, I must say that my new friends in Hawaii are some of the most genuine and wonderful people I have ever met.
Riding in the back of a pick-up truck, dancing, swimming and playing music, eating Ramen and feeling the wind in my hair. Watching the blue bioluminescent animals run over my hands.
Listening to Flaming Lips and laughing.
I guess my friends are very important to me, but some of my most beautiful moments on this island have been spent in solitude as well.
I'm glad I'm over seperation anxiety, as much as I can be.
I'm so bloody glad to be alive.


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Meme from Amy.... [15 Sep 2008|12:52pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

Ten Things I Love That Begin with the Letter 'B'

1. Broadband- living in the most isolated city in the world makes you really appreciate teh interweb.

2. BIKES- I am officially 'the bike person' of honolulu.

3. Bianchis- This is totally cheating, but its a form of a bike.

4. Bitching- Yes I am a Jewish woman in her 20s ;)

5. Bear hugs- I need more of these.

6. Bing Cherries- yum!

7. 'Bandslag Noise'- one of my favorite memories of my years in Edinburgh, my old radio show with the awesome Paul Richards.

8. Bela Bartok- This man was the true master of minimalism. 

9. Boulder Conference of 1949- established Clinical Psychology as a true science.

10. Buttresses- I miss me some Gothic architecture.

And thanks Ames, I am feeling much better thanks to antiBiotics. ;)


ps extra extra 11. 'Burn After Reading' the new Cohen brothers film it is hi-larious.

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Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Stepped Upon ;) [10 Sep 2008|01:55pm]
So yesterday was my first criminal justice task force meeting! 
In my job I am working on an 11 million dollar grant called the Transformation Grant. It is a pilot program to implement massive changes in the mental health system on a state level. In Hawai'i this new program will effect psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, felons, and all persons with severe and  persistant mental illness. Our job at MSHRET is to evaluate how this grant is being used so we sit in on several different task forces. Mine was the criminal justice one, and at eight in the morning I was sitting at a table with fifteen of Oahu's biggest names in the island for criminal justice and mental health! The most amazing woman was Marcia Waldorf, the head judge of Hawaii. She is a 6'3, skinny, striking woman who reminded me of Cleopatra. The woman must have modeled in her youth, she was absolutely amazing looking even at sixty. She owned that meeting, even in parachute pants, and I understood that not a single person could ever stand up to her, lterally ;)
I felt great networking with people in the system, because I really want to do my dissertation with felons with severe and persistant mental illnesses, like schizophrenia, so I hope to get my name in now ;)
in other news, Glenn and I are in limbo bimbo, but we are kind of loving it. Its so hot to know that you can love someone even if they are not totally controlling you.


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Drama, and Drama's End... [05 Sep 2008|03:30pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Glenn and I had some problems and were fighting every day last week. It was pretty much my fault. Then I got really sick with hawaii'n flu. Then I got some medical stuff done... all pretty spooky :(

When his flowers came for me for our anniversary I felt a little better....I was so happy to get his package in the mail, though! It's beautiful bounty opened up and revealed 'There Will Be Blood' (awesome film!), a handpainted box with a beautiful white necklace (just like in the lu'au we went to.), a handmade card, AND A MIXTAPE!!

Yes people, an actual TAPE. Too cool! I haven't had one made for me since I was like six years old and the boy next door had a crush on me and put muppets stuff on there. I stuck it in my Teddy Ruxpin for luck. There were some awesome songs on there, including Lou Reed's 'I'm Sticking With You,' and Vaselines 'Rory Ride Me Raw' plus Respighi's beautiful 'Pines of Rome,' David Bowie's 'Sweet Thing,' and of course Rolling Stones 'She's Like a Rainbow.' :) He even stuck on a really cool B-side of Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip's 'Beat That My Heart Skipped.'

Life isn't about getting stuff, its about giving... and Glenny's mix CD and flowers are in the mail as we speak. But I'm so glad that we remember each other and what each other loves. It's so hard to be without him, but with that awesome tape, its like he's in the room with me.

Grad school is also going pretty good, the courses are not so hard, but clinical work is a bitch... nearly all stats... and now I have to get back to my powerpoint presentation about the Stastics Package simple called 'R.'

Love you All!!

Aka Hunny Girl II

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Salt Lake City Come Alive Tonight!! [31 Aug 2008|03:19pm]
[ mood | creative ]

So last night was the debut of my noise band, Night Mare Drum Song.
Former members of Hawnay Troof and Klacto are part of our numbers.
We have about six chanting/drumming songs, and we have only precussion based instruments right now, no strings (though I kind of miss them.)
No one in Honolulu had apparently seen a MicroKorg before, because at least ten people were found playing on the synth during the night ;)
But all in all, it was an excellent show! People said their minds were blown, which always makes me happy.
In addition, we had a huge turn out because of Kim (our second keyboardist)'s fashion show. Her stuff is beautiful, all hand sewn with no machines. Every piece is pretty incredible. I had the not so glamorous job of undressing the models, which even though it comes with free drinks, is not nearly as c00l as it sounds. Me being the insecure bastard that I am, it freaked me right out ;) I mean, how much  perfection can one be in a room with? But seriously, I was wearing the yellow dress from Wasteland, and everyone told me they thought I was modelling, so I felt slightly better. The show itself was highly amusing, with an art-space style runway, Big Lebowski showing in the background, and 'This is Our Invite' by Hawnay Troof blaring in the background (TWICE, due to a DJ fuck up.)
Today, recovering from all the excitement I watched  'The Butcher Boy,' which I highly reccomend if none of you have seen it. Despite my 'vacation' I am now in the lab working, which is kind of neat because I am alone and can play my music loudly ;)

Miss you all!

Rach xx

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Manoa Falls... [24 Aug 2008|03:04pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

 In between missing my boyfriend badly and shirking in fear from my graduate work, I decided to take a four hour hike to a waterfall to clear my mind. And cleared it absolutely was. The damp moss and roots surrounded my feet, and the smell of fetid jungle encircled my nostrils, drawing me into tbe forest. This place was nothing like Waikiki or downtown; this was the real Hawai'i. The stuff of dreams and legends. Wild roosters crowed at my feet with their hens, and their baby chicks chirped all around me. I smiled and felt glad in my heart that I had come to this place. Aloha seemed alive and well here in the forests of Manoa.
The waterfall itself was small, but beautiful, so simplistic and perfect in its flowing. The trees were like living creatures, twisting and turning with roots big as myself.
On the way over I head a hippie-like man croon to his son... 'There's the cemetary. When Daddy dies I don't care, put my remains in the ocean or burn me up in a big fire. Or even better, feed me to the sharks. Whatever happens, don't put me in the ground. Put me half in the ocean and half in the fire, and feed me to the sharks.' The son looked on, still a young child, uncomprehending the horror of the death of his father. It was a brilliant moment, and one that struck me as poignant, even here, thousands of miles away from anyone with a moribund sense of humor.



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Juxtaposed with Honolulu... [20 Aug 2008|10:56am]
[ mood | energetic ]

And then on the other hand, there are people who show you that you are not universally hated ;)
Went to the indie night on the island, Kaliedoscope, and ran into my awesome bandmate Ryan. He used to live in El Cerrito. Instantly we were discussing drums, synths, our noise show. I am in a band (recently joined) called Night Mare Drum Song. We all gell pretty well (most of us are dating each other). The DJ, Ross Jackson, was from Elk Grove and he played lots of good tunes, almost reminded me of IndieSoc night when he went headlong into 'Fell in Love With A Girl.' Ahh..memories.
The ride home was amazing, me and Ryan and Douge, suddenly tuned into Ryan's IPOD and started blasting Super Furry Animals! In downtown Honolulu! It was so nice singing 'Juxtaposed with You' with people who'd never even been to the UK. I was so happy that people shared something I loved.



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Don't Call Me 'Haole'.... [18 Aug 2008|10:56pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

It happened, as I thought it might, even though I hoped it never would.
Today walking on the sidwalk with my roomate I saw a cyclist  coming at me the opposite direction but he was not on the road.  It was not his right of way and he brushed past me, our arms colliding a tiny bit. He yelled at me for not stepping aside and I yelled back (because he was behind me then), 'You should have watched where you were going! Sorry!'
Just like that, he came back around, and spat right on my dress. He spat twice at me then turned to us both.
'You fucking haoles!' he said. 'We hate you! You're not welcome here! Go home!'
Ben and I both tried to difuse the situation, but we were afraid. It was me he was angry at for answering back.
My god, is that what 'drama with the locals' means?
I've never been spat on in my entire life.
Would he have assaulted me? On my own street?

I guess Hawaii is more racist than I thought. I did not hurt anyone here nor did my ancestors who were Russian and Polish and never had anything to do with what happened here.


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Permanent Vacation, All I Ever Wanted... [17 Aug 2008|10:10am]
[ mood | complacent ]

Finally starting to get into Honolulu living. It's AMAZING how laid back things are here. No fast paced city things, just complete relaxation and beauty. Not to say that there isn't a scene, simply the worst one I've ever come across ;) But seriously, the community is just more tight knit than other places, and not really Eurocentric at all. Most people here are of Japanese descent, which is really neat, like most of the art is Asian-American focused. I found one decent indie night and met some SUPER nice people, one of whom is going to audition me for their noise group today. I love my my expensive master bed and bathroom, and the house which I share with an island-born  Brit and a cute Japanese gay guy. What more could a girl ask for?
As for the rest of my trip with Glenn, it went amazingly well. Glenny and I never fought except at the very end when he overdrew on his bank balance. But this was really my fault, as I'd begged him to keep the rental car for a few more days (I loved having that thing!) Anyway, we went to a real authentic Luau at the Polynesisan Cultural Center, which was super cool and introduced us to Samoan and Hawaiin dancing. Well, I say authentic, but its actually run by Mormons (seriously!!) But it was too much fun. I think the highlight of our trip for me was going horseback riding in Kuloa Ranch, the location spot for lost (where those huge mountains are!) There simply is no lovelier sight in the world than those mountains, so lush and green even at this time of year. My horse was named Max, and he was a lagger, but Glenn's horse Michelin more than made up for that by eating the entire way. I swear we both had the funniest horses of the group.  Funny how I seem to bond with horses super well, and Andy used to call me Horse (just like Julia Roberts, tee hee.)
The heat here is amazingly strong and humid as well, but it takes upping your water drinking by five times. I am already as tan as a haole can get, and I intend to get more beach in today!!

Hang Loose Everyone (Still School Starts),


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Hard Rockin in Honolulu [09 Aug 2008|06:38pm]
Too much to say now.
Swam with sea turtles.
Got chucked out of one place (not my fault) found another.
Glenn is still here and I hope he never leaves (he has to on the 14th, boo!)
I miss SF already, but I have to say Hawaii is almost paradise.
Someone said something pretty racist about jews to me, but then he was a douche.
more to come!!! 
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Why I Love Glenn... [29 Jul 2008|08:55pm]
[ mood | loved ]

He wants to grow and learn and change.
He is the most dynamic individual I've ever known.
He is sweet, caring, and sensitive.
He is romantic as hell.
He is a cute monster.
I <3 him.

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Last Day at Cornell... [23 Jul 2008|03:42pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

I am le sad. I've learned so much at this awesome position. How to really work with people, slow down, and listen are some of the wonderful things I never would have learned if I hadn't worked in a social work position. I highly reccomend it, even though it does have its struggles. Me and my boss said goodbye, and I gave her some chocolate (which she loved.) I got a 'Juicy News' gift package for Dr. Neil, one of the truly brilliant San Franciscans that I was lucky enough to work with. Said goodbye to some residents, whom I will really miss, especially the hardcore using ones, because they still have so much to think about and work on in their lives. Finally saw my co-worker's baby, she is the prettiest girl I've ever laid eyes on, and I got to hold her as well.
Finally got my raise, yay! 1,500 final pay cheque!
And lastly, (oh the hilarity), I the substance abuse counselor had my eyes dilated by my optometrist, so I walked in looking like I was on E and had to wear my stunna shades all day.
The irony of this is not lost on me.

Hawaii, here I come on August 4th!!



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[ mood | chipper ]

My best friend Robert Smith (no relation to that 'other' one) just got ENGAGED!! To an awesome girl!! CONGRATULATIONS ROBERTO YOU DESERVE IT!!


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Music Meme [14 Jul 2008|04:29pm]
[ mood | happy ]


Stolen from the lovely [info]mistyhills :)

- You simply write out the alphabet, from A-Z.
- You then list ONE artist/band beginning with each letter.
- Post the first song you ever heard from then + your favourite song from them

A- Adult-'Night Life'/'Night Life'
B- Bonnie 'Prince' Billy/ 'A Sucker's Evening'/'A Sucker's Evening'
C- The Cure- 'Close To Me'/'Primary'
D- Dogs Die In Hot Cars- 'Godhopping'/ 'Lounger'
E- Erasure- 'Chains of Love'/'Chains of Love'
F-  Fuck Buttons- 'Street Horrsing'/ 'Street Horsing'
G- Goldie Lookin' Chain- 'Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do'/ 'Robot'
H- Holy Fuck- 'Lovely Alien'/'Lovely Alien'
I - Islands- 'Swans'/'Where There's A Will, There's a Whalebone'
J- Justice- 'DVNO'/'The Party'
K- K's Choice- 'Not An Addict/Not An Addict'
L- Lepidoptera- 'Video Blue'/'Video Blue' (my old band!)
M- Morrissey- 'Everyday is Like Sunday'/'Hairdresser On Fire'
N- Nas- 'I Can'/ 'Made You Look'
O- Optiganally Yours-'Poodleman/Poodleman'
P- The Pillows- 'Spider'/'Spider' (Theme to FLCL)
Q- Queen- 'Bohemian Rhapsody'/'Bohemian Rhapsody'
R- Radiohead- 'Creep'/'Nude(( Big Ideas (Don't Get Any))'
S- Simple Noose- 'Night Alone'/'Beautiful Illusions' (my other band!)
T- Tears For Fears- 'Shout'/'Head Over Heels'
U- Underworld- 'Cowgirl'/'Cowgirl'
V-  Velvet Underground- 'Waiting For the Man'/'Pale Blue Eyes'
W- Why?- 'Song of the Sad Assasin'/'Simeon's Dilemma'
X- Xiu XIu- 'Crank Heart'/Apistat Commander'
Y- Yellow Swans- i don't any of their song titals!
Z- Zero 7- 'Destiny'/'Destiny'

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Some Serious Reflection... [10 Jul 2008|02:36pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Today I had lunch with my clinical supervisor and (part time) therapist, Dr. Neil. It was one of our last sessions and I felt tremendously uplifted by the experience. I actually got to have a one-on-one with someone I seriously respect and admire. His career has been one of selflessness and commitment to economically disadvantaged people with mental health disorders. Without sounding too dewey-eyed, I really hope I can work with him one day! He keeps encouraging me to not be so down on myself, to be less insecure, and to observe my behavior and my defense mechanisms in the office and in other areas of life. This resonantes with me because sometimes I feel so insecure that I just want to weep, and this comes out in my personal and private relations with others. The cause of this insecurity is unimportant, but it makes me realize that I need to work on my self-assurance, and not just let it become a 'snooty wall' of defense. I have started connecting with my co-workers as friends, which Dr. Neil sees as a big plus, because I no longer identify solely with the clientle. My empathy serves me well, yet I have become more professional. One thing that really struck me is that Dr. Neil sees me as 'much more grounded' than I was when I started here at Cornell. I really think that I am, and that I have changed so much between this year and my last year in Scotland. I have actually learned to slow down my speech, my behaviors, and my life in general. Don't get me wrong, I still like to have fun! But I guess I just feel a lot more balanced. Careful oberservation of my feelings and my 'triggers for action' have allowed me to do this.
It's funny, because at UCSD psychodynamic theory and practice were highly ridiculed, and it was all stricly behaviorism. But now, I'm not sure. Thanks to Dr. Neil, I've become a believer in therapy. I'm very gratefuly that somone finally allowed me to see it by having faith in me and my practices. The clients tell me I'm the best counselor they've ever had, and that they love the way I teach group. I feel valued at work at last, and now I need to try to keep that sense of value in myself, and realize that it comes from my hard work and accomplishments.



PS We listened to the Velvet Underground all the way to the restuarant in the car. Strange how all my friends have always had such affection for this band!

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Why My Boyfriend is The Best in the World... [08 Jul 2008|05:22pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Flowers at work  + lovely card+  surprise luncheon + kisses= oh my my!! 

I was even thinking of surprising him at his own work later that day!!

Why are we so in synch?

Tis strange, but very very wonderful.

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Of Pride and Porn. [03 Jul 2008|03:00pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

So Poornima Muralidhur (known to many of you Burghers as Porn, or Loud American Porn), my bestest girly friend in the entire world, came out from Toronto to visit me last weekend. It was off the chain, the hook, the entire metal apparatus...we just had the most amazing time! First was a  delicious dinner at Cha Cha Cha's, Sangria included. Then we headed to SF Gay Pride 08, which began with an Edinburgh Debbie organized night at Booty, a mash-up night. My favorites of the night were '99 Problems' mixed with '99 Luftballoons,' and 'D.A.N.C.E.' with 'Let's Dance.' The drag show was AMAZING! I can't quite believe that I'm 25 and have never seen one before, but I thought it was so much fun! Some of the drag queens were absolutely beautiful, I remember Debbie and I wishing we had legs like those uber-tall divas. After much dancing with Brian, Hugh, and Glenn, we meandered over to the Castro which was INSANE at such an hour, people vomiting in the streets and way too many frat boys for a fest like this. We circled back on Market St to Lucky 13, just in time for closing where we had our last pride pint with Matt. When we woke the next morning the festival was still going on! We drunkenly slept right though the parade so we headed down to Civic Center to get some buttons. I was wearing this yellow dress from Wasteland (Porn and I both bought one), and people kept sticking Obama stickers on my yellow back. Got harassed by straight guys, which is kind of hilarious. I think maybe Pride has lost its meaning for a lot of San Franciscans, but at least I got an awesome Obama '08 pin with a Hawaii-style rainbow on it. We also got designer bags laminated with newspaper clippings, Porn's with a '1987 Life Magazine' and mine with an 'SF Chronicle' featuring Sean Connery. Headed into Golden Gate Park for an actual surrey ride, still in the Yellow Dress Porn wanted desperatly to North Beach so we went to the Stinking Rose, where I got Stinking Sick., no kidding I was actually terribly ill. Guess no garlic for me anymore! I went to work on Monday as Porn worked on her uber important computer code stuff for her Toronto job. Met up again at 3:00 for a delicious Greek lunch at the Mediterranean, and to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at SFMOMA. The audio tour was SO worth it, since it was no longer purely audio but actually had a wee video IPOD with tons of archival footage of the artists, special features, etc! I <3 technology, even if it involves pissing off other art lookers who had to listen to the babies screaming because it was so mobbed in there.  My favorite painting was 'The Two Fridas,' it really seemed to capture the pain of abandonment that she faced her entire life with Diego Rivera. Anthropologie was next where we bought some dear-looking skirts for way too much money.We went out to some Salvadorean cuisine in the mission and shopping of course. Then it was the good old Edinburgh castle, where we played 17(!) songs on the brilliant jukebox they have there and participated in darts with Glenn and Brian. A restful sleep ensued, after watching the 'Boring' episode of the Young Ones. ('Cornflakes! Cornflakes! Cornflakes! Cornflakes! Cornflakes! Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Corn-FLAKES!') The next day was moving day. I decided last month to spend the last month in Cali at home in Walnut Creek, in order to save on rent. Porn and I woke early and got the matress out for free with SF Recyling, then cleaned the entire room! We were listening to her tour CD of Sun City Girls, which I think is excellent. Went shopping at Amoeba where I got the Deltron 3030 CD, finally re-released after five years of being unavaliable due to the label it was on going tits-up. Also a 10.00 DVD of 'Bad Education,' my fave Almodovar film. Went to Villians (Porn was not impressed) and back to Wasteland, before ending up at Citrus Club for some amazing Thai Food. After such an amazing weekend, it was time to say goodybe. I wept as we went through all the Mighty Boosh crimps on the bus like the Geeks that we are. 'Alan, alan, alan, alan ickle spider provider, don't get caught in his web.' It was surreal and beautiful and could have only happened with my girl. As I went back on the BART to sleep in my Walnut Creek bed, I reminisced on how lucky I was to have friends like mine.  A new chapter in my life is starting as a PHD student in Hawaii, but I'm so glad I could say goodbye to SF with Porn.

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